Half-interested in election results last Tuesday, I went to cnn.com and was surprised at what I saw. More striking to me than the Democrats’ victory was the second most prominent story on the front page: “Britney Spears Divorcing.”

Finally! She was always way too good for him. Kevin Federline, the former backup dancer who the media proclaims as K-Fed and who proclaims himself a “rap artist” is a total deadbeat and I never understood what Britney saw in him. Several of Federline’s scheduled concerts have been cancelled due to lack of interest. Requests for Federline to perform were about as popular as requests for Michael Jackson to work at a day care center.

The CNN article further explained that just months before, Britney described her marriage to Federline as “awesome.” Compared to earlier in her career, Spears’ value took a nosedive after she married Federline in October 2004. Bad press, including K-Fed’s party habits (it’s how he blew off steam, he says) and Britney being caught with her infant son, Sean, sitting on her lap as she drove her car (it’s how she was raised, she says), certainly hurt Spears’s reputation. A divorce at this stage seemed like common sense for Spears.

But what about the financial details … what was K-Fed (now cleverly named Fed-Ex) set to get out of this deal cash-wise? And what was to come of those alleged sex tapes the two made on their honeymoon?

Fortunately, the story right under “Britney Spears Divorcing” — the third top story on cnn.com — read “Britney Sex Tape Suit Dismissed.” I love America!!

Apparently the couple’s prenup was airtight, and K-Fed will only be able to cash in $300,000 after the divorce. Since then, Federline has threatened Britney with making the sex tapes public unless Britney pays him $30 million.

To put those numbers in perspective, Spears makes about $400,000 a night while on tour; her net worth is estimated at around $30 million, give or take $5 million. Federline has never been on tour; his net worth is estimated at around a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, give or take a medium Coke.

Amused but quickly bored with the whole Britney story, I decided to visit bbcnews.com, one of the most respected and read news companies in the world. I was certain bbcnews would provide me with a more thorough look at the outcome of the U.S. elections without drowning me in stories of Britney and K-Fed.

The page loaded and, surprisingly, the most read and most e-mailed story was “Britney Files for Divorce.”

What’s going on here? Why is the media reporting such crap in the wake of these important elections? Something stinks here, and it’s not K-Fed’s new album.

Then it hit me like the LAPD. Could it be that this was just another last minute stunt pulled by the GOP in order to deter attention away from the elections? Republicans have certainly engaged in such practices before; releasing the news of bagging some important Al-Qaeda operatives days before elections or other important political events, bringing up issues such as gay marriage amendments so as to distract national attention from a corrupt war. But Britney and K-Fed, hours before the mid-terms? While I half-expected the GOP to pull a last minute stunt, I just didn’t think they stoop this low.

But consider the facts: In the months leading up to the elections, things weren’t looking too promising for the GOP. In the wake of the Mark Foley scandal, Republicans needed a story, something big, to swing the vote in a last-minute fashion. Something substantial, like finally bagging Bin Laden or finding WMDs in Iraq, was sure to swing the vote the GOP’s way. Problem is, we have no idea where Bin Laden is, and there never were any WMDs.

We all know that Spears has publicly demonstrated her love of George W. Bush. It has been well evidenced that most of the pop-culture savvy under-30 voters are considered to be overwhelmingly Democratic; obviously the big news on the Brit and K-Fed split would cause many of them to stay at home that evening in favor of surfing the web and watching the E! channel to get the latest scoop on the young Ms. Spears.

A simple text message later, and it was done:

4:42 pm 11/6/06
1 new text message from: W
hey Brit .. elections look close
reddy for divorce?LOL!!!1

Upon receiving confirmation from Spears, Republican sources close to the White House called for the issue of multiple press releases to major news outlets describing the Spears divorce in order to keep young Democratic voters at home. This time around, all the GOP had was a story about an innocent pop-diva, a diva whose support for Bush has been well documented, a diva whose divorce was exquisitely timed, the combined effects of which Republicans hoped would push them to pick up some last minute seats in Congress and in the Senate.

But it was too little too late for the Red states. Perhaps the announcement needed to be bigger, something along the lines of “Spice Girls reunite for world tour, final album.” I know a story like that would have kept me at home all day, trying to find a loaded gun.
By Behzad Varamini
Source: http://www.cornellsun.com

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